He always will be
by Anne Asakura
Summary: always. - Harry centred - for Hiei-and-Shino s2


**Revised by Mad Dreamer. Thanks a lot, dear s2**

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><p><em><strong>He Will Always be<strong>_

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><p><em>Always.<em>

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><p><em>For my soulmate, that I love so much s2<em>

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><p>He's dead. He's dead, and trough the fact that know and have experienced it, Harry Potter, the-boy-who-lived, dream with that every night. They're not friends, not even close that he could feel bad for it, but he's dead and Harry Potter <em>remember<em> the glazed eyes of Cedric Diggory at the moment that the Avada Kedavra of Petter Pettigrew reached of his chest.

He remembers. Remember very clearly the blinding green light. Remember very clearly that if it was not Harry Potter on that moment, he would have the same fate. And more than remember that and relive the moment though the nightmares waking up sweaty and screaming as Ron claims and throws the pillow on it turning to the side and back sleeping, Harry Potter, the boy-who-lived, remember that he was guilty.

Yes, it's your fault. No matter how many times Harry try to escape this truth, he feels so strongly in his soul that any moment can be destroyed with the disgust of having to live with it.

And once again, during one of many nights that he fall sleep, Harry got that nightmare where Cedric is killed again. And there are the glazed eyes staring at him and saying that is your fault. What if it had been stronger, might saved him. He was just killed for going there with him. That nothing would be happened if it was not Harry Potter.

And it's true. Harry knows that. Basically, carries that truth that they had been more careful and notice the details that made him reach that moment in the Triwizard Tournament, Cedric Diggory was still alive. And for a moment think that not only he but also his parents and many_-many-other-peoples-who-have-died-because-of-him…_

(Suddenly it would be better if he had died with Voldemort's spell. Perhaps the world would be other without needing boys-who-survived-a-deadly-spell, and perhaps if someone else were in his place that was more worthy of his title, because, after all, the only thing that Harry Potter could do was _survive_)

Awake again shouting, but this time screams so loud that even the girls get up to see what is happening. Because he was in there staring him, and this time it shows up and saying that it's your fault. And Harry knows, but is tired of hearing it, because that really hurts and pierces internally. As much the truth that his mother, Lily Evans Potter, died to save him, but unlike Cedric, did for love.

(But Harry think it not makes him feel better. Because what son would like to know who lost his mother for a stupid love? But anyway, he thinks, Lily could never be with him. Never could see him give the first step or say the first word. Never would fall off the bicycle while James –_ his daddy_ – scratch his head and laughed embarrassed to have him loose when he was not ready. Could never see him grow…)

- It's your fault, Harry. – he says, and the tone of his voice is accuser. As much as it points the finger at Potter. – Why did you let me die? Why did you kill me, _Potter?_

Harry wants to say no, that he do not let it die. That would have done differently and that he could

_(And if had what? Die in his place? Who are you trying to deceive, Harry? What person wants to die?)_

Do it. But he can't, because his specialty is not to save lives, but _survive._

- Is everything okay, Harry? – Ginny is the questioner as a wheel of Gryffindors is formed around him. She holds his hand while Hermione holds a candle, very sleepy.

- I… - and nods, opening a smile awkwardly, half of whom do not know what to say. – I'm sorry for this, guys…

And scratch the head _(just the way that James would do)_ and smiled in that way that makes Ginny sigh, though she did not do it in front of others, but secretly. And when everyone starts to scatter back of their beds, Hermione and Ron just remain there.

- You know you can count with us, don't you Harry? – Hermione touches his shoulder, but this time not smiling. Do not smile because it's concerned. Because she knows that whatever is affecting Harry is eroding him inside.

- Every moment, man. Don't need to be embarrassed to have nightmares. – Ron shakes his head trying to sound convincing, but something in his eyes tells Harry that he is so concerned as Mione.

- Thanks, guys. – Harry thanked sees Hermione leave the room and Ron back to bed, but this time he knows he cannot count to them. And know that when close his eyes again, Cedric will be there to haunt him.

_(Hello, Harry. Are you prepared to assume your guilty?)_

He always will be.

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><p><strong>AN:**

That's my first fanfic of Harry Potter and my first work on english. I know that probably will be have a lot of mistakes, but I've decided to try.

Anyway, I've decided to do a fanfiction about Harry feelings around Cedric, because I simply do not believe that he passed for all of this without feeling anything of guilty.

To Hiei-and-Shino, my soulmate, because I love her and cuz she was the only responsible for my presence in that fandom.

Hope you like, honey, as you all!

**Please, let reviews to make me happy x3**


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